Rent-a-million

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A NICE surprise for quarter of a million people. A fat cheque should be coming for them in the post.

And that's just in Britain. Another million folk all over Europe should also be happy recipients of same.

That's if Robert Moss of the Daily Telegraph and the CIA is to be believed (though why he should with his record is another question). He has uncovered a devious Moscow-gold plot to flood the streets of Europe with unilateral disarmers. The Reformatoris Bagblad, a Dutch religious newspaper (well-known to Hitchhikers' Guide devotees as creator of the world) reveals the ghastly details. Vadim Vassilevich Leonov (who sounds like a dyslexic's identikit Bolshevik), posing as a correspondent for the TASS news agency in Holland, was expelled as a KGB agent.

The said Leonov, in an unguarded moment, let it slip out to an unidentified (surprise surprise) church activist that real role was to orchestrate mass anti-Bomb demonstrations according . to instructions forwarded from Moscow vla the top-secret telex in the KGB Referentura inside the Soviet Embassy in the Hague.

Confused? You won't be when you hear Leonov say:

"If Moscow decides that 50,000 demonstrators must take to the streets in Holland, then they take to the streets. A message through my channels is sufficient. Everything is organised with military precision...

"I should know because not only am I involved in these clandestine activities on a daily basis, but I am also one of those who transmit the orders coming from Moscow"

So there you have it, clear as mud and twice as pretty. All those multimillioned anti-nuclear war protestors summoned together by a few wires and a telex away secret rooms in Soviet Embassies across Europe.

Marvellous what modern science can achieve, even if it is a bit of a fragile basis on which to build a movement. What worries me and the other comrades in the secret Socialist Organiser code room somewhere in North London is, where's our pay cheque?