Press Take the minutes as Red

Scan page 2

are to succeed." betrayal of the NGA.

the role working class. useful SO.

has too the whole this criticism is true. is an excellent paper.

but there are others.

IcEr: conditions.

PleasE I: =20 socialist magazine. Watch SO for details. DRAMATIC proof that unions at GCHQ are a hotbed of communist extremism and subversion have come to light in a special inves tigation.

Reporter Patrick Spilling, disguised as a civil servant, entered a meeting of the local Cheltenham union branch as a mole.

His report is a startling vindication of Premier Margaret Thatcher's determination to keep the trade unions out of crucial areas of public life - like industry, public services, commerce, printing and transport.

It gives the lie to trade union claims that their union branches are in the spirit of the British Constitution.

The meeting took place in the shadowy corners of a public house, aptly called the Red Lion. In the course of the meeting, several "Comrades" left to flip pound notes over the bar and return clutching glasses of drink. It is many years since this reporter bought his own drink but since more than fi was being offered in return for two pints of English Ale, the transaction was clearly a cover to disguise the large sums being paid to the landlord.

I noted not one of the members said "Bottoms Up" before they drank. One was almost certainly nursing a glass of vodka in the corner.

The real dirt began to emerge when the meeting got under way.

The chairman started as if to read the minutes. He was stopped in his tracks. Casually one woman said from the back of the room, "I propose we take the minutes as Red." Without demur the meeting agreed.

Scarcely had I recovered from what amounted to a clear confession that the previous meeting had been a communist cell than he chairman produced the nest -i ron his briefcase he nonchaiantis began to read Every single one was from what he termed "Head Office" - obviously i inin cover or the Kremlin. They each contained instructions on nical points.

The comrades were told they were in arrears - their paymasters were demapding more frequent 'returns' They were given a secret instruction about members being 'transferred' in and out of the area - clearly showing that the Kremlin and not the British government determines who has key jobs listening in to secret satellite stations.

No one at the meeting batted an eye lid at these amazing revelations. This union has not just been infiltrated, it seems to be composed 100% of Russian agents.

Many of the instructions were too deeply coded to comprehend. They referred to such obscure practices as being "in benefit" (in favour with the Politburo?) and being "lapsed" (liquidated?)

Blow the lid The Treasurer's report was next. Clearly this could have blown the lid off the meeting.

However, the treasurer stood up and nonchalantly announced that he had left the bank statements at home - but he thought the figures were much the same as last month. One woman at the front of the meeting said what was obvious to all "Done a bunk with the money, have you?"

Incredibly the meeting did not break up in disorder or physical violence. The comrades laughed off this shattering expose of their corruption as if it were a pecadillo.

Another member mentioned South America and the comrades laughed again. Does this mean that union funds are going • to finance subversive guerrilla assassins in El Salvador? Who can say?

After receiving their orders From the Kremlin the comrades eil to discussing local sabotage which showed how determined they were to wreck the fabric of British life quite literally.

One woman claimed ing tiles in her office were made of asbestos and should be replaced. The meeting voted this through enthusiastically.

In any normal union someone would have pointed out what a golden opportunity this would have provided for someone to plant a bug in the replacement ceiling. Did anyone mention that here? Of course not.

A man complained about the canteen saying the food was too stodgy and should be more varied.

Nothing could be more central to the Bolshies' aim than to hit at the root of the British Constitution, our diet.

No doubt this union would love to change the menu. Russian salad? Caviar? Borshtch? No one pointed out that if they were wallowing in a Siberian prison camp they would be glad of sausage and chips and to hell with the calories.

By now it was growing late. The comrades began to slip away into the cover of darkness.

But the Commissar in charge of the meeting was complaining again. Some operatives, he said, were being forced to spend too long at their listening posts and were going down with migraine.

He said this put more pressure on other staff. And then he came out with the amazing confession which put the seal on the whole evening.

a sensitive job, In fact, we all 'We are supposed to be doing Britain," he said. know that instead of doing anything carefully we are all Russian. As far as I can see, we are going to be Russian until someone does something about it."

I held my breath. Has the Commissar gone too far. Not a bit. Without comment they noted the report and closed the meeting. I slipped out unseen.

A full transcript of the meeting is being rushed today to Downing Street. Once again we have helped to save the world from communist subversion. The sooner this nest is stamped out the better.